I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
