Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
wow bdsm is so cute
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
