I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
