woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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