I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
