The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
