the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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