My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
