my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
