I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
