"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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