I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
