The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
