do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
