i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
