Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
