I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
