the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
