I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
