At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
