if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
