New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
