Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
