and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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