They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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