Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
