I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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