His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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