so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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