Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
