ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
