Have you finally orgasmed yet?
are you so shy because you have an std?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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