just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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