I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
