I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
