how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
