Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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