ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
