...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
