I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
