I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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