fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
