I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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