they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
