He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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