Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
