he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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