Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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