my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
