Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
