I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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