yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
